Duck……

Goose!!

I mean….. Hypocrite!! Yup, thats me…… allow me to reel for a moment please….. I rarely go on like this…………….. and ‘like this’, I mean as rabid and gnarly as Ann Coulter herself……….

So anyway, just simmering in a little stew……… stewing in a wee pinch of self righteousness…… bubbling over with annoyance over a nice, medium to high heat of irritation……………….things…………………. firstly, i heard for the first time this season “Happy Birthday Jesus!!

…….. Sorry but this proclamation / exclamation has never seemed to be anything but creepy, wrong and absolutely ABSURD. I mean what? Jesus was a capricorn??!!?? I mean, “Happy BIRTHDAY?!?!”

Like “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Jesus! Let’s rattle noisemakers and blow out the candles on your ICE CREAM CAKE cuz it’s your BIRTHDAY BUDDY!!!!!”

(Haillllll no)

I understand the joy of this season, but isn’t there a bit of solemnity needed? Some respectful reverence? I wish so much that I could get past the gimmicky wantonness that this ‘holiday season’ brings out in everyone………. I always notice it….. for some reason this year, it makes me feel like I’m literally being grilled….. over some flames……. charbroiled…………… like the tail gater’s  main entree in a Target parking lot………

Annnnnnnnnd another thing (channeling John Lovitz) the only thing that is as irksome as wanton misplaced joy is smug generosity of heart…. like zombies stumbling out of the grave…. Come ON!! If you are not putting your words into action every OTHER time of year than keep your trap shut about societal woes you are noticing right now. Just because your mind is compelled enough to think it, doesn’t mean you are altruistic enough to actually DO anything………………………. And if you DO decide to do something in keeping with holiday smugness of the heart, why don’t you let your ACTIONS rather than your words and commercials be the example……………………………

(The author reserves the right to retract above blog and plank from own eye as she deems fit or appropriate).

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