Change

Transformation

Renewal

Those words have been on my mind… have etched themselves deeper into it’s forefront.  I wrote them down in a list–wrote them as they came and, as I read them back I realized they had come in the  order of their natural progression in life.  Change….

Most of my life, I have feared change.  More clearly, I have feared feeling caught off guard, or pitiful… helpless.  I have put lots of energy into armoring myself against change.  A behavior which has left me, at times maddeningly paralyzed.

As I put my face into my own pensieve I realize that those innate feelings are rooted in occurrences from my childhood–things were, then they weren’t.  Then they were and then they weren’t again… Reflecting on these things does not lead me down a path of blame but one that’s helpful, one that’s landscaped with ah-ha’s…. Ah-ha’s are comforting.  I like ah-ha’s…..

Today, I sense it coming.  I sense change like I sense the seasons… 

“Something you feel will find it’s own form”

Today I feel that I am open to that form…

“Be open to everything, submissive, listening”

And today I feel I might be removing, rather than hunkering into rackety clackety armour

“Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind”

Change, Transformation, Renewal……

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